My mom and sister have brought to my attention that I may
have been making myself sound like I was a lot worse than I actually was. I
promise this was not my intention! I intend to set some things straight today.
Looking back, in my eyes, I was a bad kid. But if we are
measuring by this worlds standards, I was a great kid! I've never been involved
in drinking, drugs, smoking, or sleeping around.
So what did I do that was so wrong?
I had a rebellious heart. The Bible says that rebellion is
likened unto witchcraft. Witchcraft! That's some heavy stuff!
I was selfish in how I chose my friends, and spent my time.
In Matthew 16:24 Jesus says, "If any man will come after me, let him deny
himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”
I wasn't interested in denying myself at this time in my life! I thought
I could have a few years of fun and then when I turned 24 or so then I would
get serious about the things of GOD. But I didn't realize how much of a hold
this world had on my heart. It is so much easier to step into the world than it
is to step out! You try stepping into a pig pen and then step out! Though you
may get out, I don't care how long or little time you were there, you will not
be as clean as you were when you got in!
I didn't really care what my mom and dad thought. Hebrews
13:17 says, "Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves:
for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do
it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you." Most of my friends were becoming involved in
some if not all of the things I just mentioned earlier, but I wasn't. So I
deceived myself into thinking I was doing okay. I had placed bad influences all
around me and I began to laugh at the dirty jokes and began to tell some of my
own. I also began to envy their lifestyles. If not for my parents, and my
pastor, I would have been right there with them in all of that mess. I know
they had my best interests at heart! I did get involved in ungodly music and
movies that only encouraged my lack of respect for authority. I began to desire
the things of this world so much, that I would literally hide the music I had
been listening to in my room away from my parents. Then I began to not even
care what they thought about it and thought, "They'll just have to deal
with it." This music made me long for freedom from authority and the
people at church that made me feel any guilt at all. I thought about going to a
concert with some friends and simply telling my parents we were going shopping.
But my friend actually talked me into asking instead, which we both soon
regretted because they said no. Now, I am happy that I asked and that was the answer!
My underage friends and I were going to try to sneak some
alcohol into our church camp, but we didn't because we were too lazy to figure
out a way to buy it. Oh boy, I'm glad we didn't! To be honest, when it came to
anything big, like breaking the law we were all just a bunch of "wanna
bes"! Well, most of us were at first, anyway. The "small" sins
such as music, and movies became well, small in comparison to what it lead to.
By the age of 16 or 17, most of my friends were involved in drinking, smoking,
and sleeping around. I didn't know what I believed was a good place to draw a
moral line. That is so dangerous! Thank GOD HE never gave me the chance to get
into that stuff! GOD gave me enough room to show me what my sinful nature is
capable of, but HE didn't give me more than I could handle... Actually, I hate
that saying... God does give us more than we can bear, in hopes that we will
let HIM bear it for us! And that is what my GOD has done for me!
Remember at this time I was only 13-18 years old. But that
is basically all of my teenage years! Wasted. The Bible tells us in James 4:17 "Therefore
to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." That
is why I think back with so much regret! All of the knowledge and bible right
at my fingertips, poured in one ear and out the other every Sunday morning,
Sunday night, and Wednesday night. Think of what I could have been doing for
the LORD through those years! Think of all of the missed opportunities! The
missed times of fellowship with my LORD. I can't get back that lost time, but
thank GOD He can mend that broken fellowship! 1 John 1:9 says, "If we
confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I know I will be judged for the
things I have and haven't done, but I know I am forgiven through GOD's grace
and that motivates me to do better for HIM! Because HE is good!
It all started with an unforgiving heart, to be honest. I
became bitter because I was unforgiving and couldn't move on from the past! I
made myself a victim! I still have to work on letting go of some grudges, but
the LORD has been my strength and continues to work on my heart!
I would like to state that I am not telling you all this in
hopes to glorify or justify my sin. I am telling you this to say, even though I
didn't have the chance to go very far in the world, I still have regrets and it
simply is not worth it. It's not! So please don’t think that a little fun won't
hurt or that you will be able to get serious in a few years. It is not that
easy! I was blessed to have parents that enforced going to church, and a pastor
that helped lead me back to the LORD. Without that, only GOD knows where my
rebellious heart would have lead me!
So guys, I’m actually quite nervous about publishing this
blog post! But hey, I felt a need to honestly write to guys give you a bit of
my testimony. I know I'm not perfect, but when my GOD looks at me, it is not me
HE sees. It is HIS SON, CHRIST JESUS! Oh, the Anchor of my soul! My Rock. My
Redeemer. My LORD. My KING! My Clean Slate. How I love HIM! Praise be to GOD for HIS all
sufficient grace!
Thank you guys for reading! I can't believe how many people
actually read my ramblings! If you have something in mind for me to rant about
next, leave me a comment below!
Simply,
Sarah