I sit here with words and thoughts spinning around in my mind and yet, I seem to be unable to tie them down to a piece of paper. Too many thoughts. So I write carelessly,...
I apologize for the lateness of this post... life happens. The good, the bad, all of it, happens. That is life. A mixture of good and bad, sometimes tasting more bitter and other times tasting more sweet. Sometimes it's hard to determine exactly what you feel about how things are going.
Growing up is weird. Making adult decisions for yourself is weird! Lol! I'm not good at making swift decisions. I never have been! I like to take time to think about the situation in every aspect and from every view and with every possible outcome. So I don't make many rash decisions. This can be a good or even a bad trait of mine sometimes! I just have to learn to know when to use that and when to avoid giving into that habit. For example, standing in line ordering food, would be a good time to avoid that trait! Lol! At this point in my life though, I think it's a good trait to have. At least I try to utilize it to the best of my ability!
I was pretty sure at the age of fifteen that it was in God's will for me to go to college. So, I started making plans, not wanting this to be something I backed out of, or missed out on simply because I took too much time thinking about it! But God had other plans! He used various things and situations to hold me still. He used discouragement, He used anxiety, He used uncertainty, He used opportunities, and He even put people in my path to steer me in a totally different direction! I used to look back on that time in my life and feel saddened, or disappointment all over again, because I never went through with it. But I now realize why! The Lord needed me to see His plan! Not take the first thing off the list and run with it before I had been given all of the instructions! I know now I could not have handled college back then, at all! I was a very weak Christian. Not to say I'm now super spiritual and a wonderfully strong Christian, who has it all together! Ha! I am far from that! But I have found strength in the Lord! I have grown in my walk with Christ! I hope I don't sound prideful, or come across as having a "greater than thou" attitude. I am simply saying I am not where I used to be- by the grace of God!
Sorry I went down a bit of a rabbit trail there! Anyways, where was I? Oh yes! College. You see, the Lord never gave me peace about any of my ideas I sent His way. I never stopped to listen to what He wanted. Sure, I prayed, but I think for a while I forgot that a relationship with Christ is the same as it is with anyone else when it comes to the structure of it. A relationship is never a one way deal! It takes two people to have a relationship. I was talking to God, but not with Him. I hope I'm making sense! I was telling Him what I wanted and asking Him for favors. But wouldn't take time to hear His reply. Until finally, one day at camp the Lord me asked through a sermon to give Him my blueprints for my life. To give Him my plans and aspirations. Reluctant at first, I came to the conclusion that that was best! When I gave the Lord my plans and listened to His will, He closed some doors in my heart. He opened some more, but to show me that peace doesn't come from following your own will, but from accepting God's will as your own! The more I tried to pry doors open, the more the Lord gave me an uncertainty about it all. So, college went on the shelf, and church and church family became a priority in my life. Taking 2 years to be still has turned out to be one of the best decisions I could have ever made. I'm glad the Lord didn't give me peace about school back then. Now, I have applied for school, I am still waiting to see if I receive an acceptance letter! Which makes me feel a bit uneasy posting this! I may or may not get in, but I definitely have peace about applying, about the classes I've chosen, the school I've chosen. I feel as if the Lord placed it in my lap for some reason. I hope you will all pray for me, and with me, as I step out on faith to take this journey!
Since this is a bunch of careless scribbles, I will be a bit random and state some more of my random thoughts for you! Something I have struggled with in the past was easily becoming bothered by rumors. If you said it to my face, it didn't so much, but behind my back, it would really bother me. But this year, I've learned to not really care anymore. No, no bullying or ugly things have been said. Just simple assumptions are made and spread as if they are fact. The oh so familiar situation of people placing their noses were they don't belong! "Grow up people!" I am tempted to go to them and say! But I've learned it's not worth it! Let them believe a bunch of lies, they obviously want to believe them or else they would've asked me themselves! So just a reminder to you all, don't believe everything you hear! Or even what you think you may have seen! Things can be twisted so easily when taken out of context. Don't fall into that trap. Take fact as fact. Don't assume. Simple as that. Thank you, I'll step off my soap box now!
I'm going to backpedal a bit here. I was speaking with the Lord this morning as I was driving. Thinking and praying about how I had been feeling stagnant for a while and now I can look back and see the Lords hand on it all. :) As I drove slowly in the stillness of the morning, enjoying the beauty of spring, I passed by a still creek bed, noticing as the trees and colors from above were clearly reflected in the unmoving waters. As I took the time to listen, I heard that still small voice answer, "Beauty is not only found in the rushing, moving, waters, but in stillness." As I write this another thought comes to mind. While we pause in that still part of our life's journey, that is a time of growth. And the Lord can be clearly reflected through us during that time of stillness! Even a still dirty creek bed can look beautiful when it clearly reflects the Maker! That is our true calling, right? To bring glory to the Father in everything we do! To reflect His glory and goodness even through our dirty selves. Whether still or moving! What a blessing that God would use us, even as unrighteous as we are, to show forth His goodness! :)
I know this was random, but I had an urge to write carelessly. So, I did! Lol! Hope you can find a blessing within my careless scribbles! As always, thanks for reading! Until next time!
Simply,
Sarah
