Ethiopia: Round Two

Journal Entry:

Day 7: October 6, 2017

I am often asked, “So, what’s it like in Ethiopia?” “Can you tell me about Ethiopia?” “Do you like it over there?”. Or I’m asked to describe it. Impossible. Well, almost. How do you explain a place you love so much, yet in a realistic light? Yes, I love Ethiopia. It is a great place?  Who’s asking? From what aspect? And what is your definition of great? Haha! I will attempt to tell you about Ethiopia in this post. The real Ethiopia. Here is my journal entry from day seven:

This is a strange place. Here it is the people that are confined within walls; not the animals. The walls are meant to keep people and things out, but it is still a bit foreign to me.

Right now, I am sitting outside watching those passing by. A young woman trails behind four donkeys carrying her load; probably water. It is not as easy as turning on a faucet for some people here. The little things we take for granted… When I arrived home last time and washed my hands, I let the water run a bit longer through my fingers as I stood in awe of how easy we have it in America. It is always available, on command. Never do we say “Wooha Yellum!” (Water gone) in America, but here, it is not so uncommon! “What a little thing,” we think! But ah! Tis’ no little blessing! 

A small child, maybe two years of age, wanders down the cobblestone street taking in his surroundings. A man, whom I assume to be this child’s father, calls out to me (“Americano!”) as he relieves himself across the street. He feels no shame. The last trip, I saw a man bathing in the sewer water on the side of the main highway. What is normal here, can cause one to turn away in shame and embarrassment.

Trash lines the streets, filling the air with a polluted aroma of soured food, soiled clothes and who knows what. The foul scent of trash mountain lingers over Addis Ababa, within every whiff you take. Over time, the smell seems to lessen, though it is only you becoming numb and used to it. Back in March of this year, there was a “landslide” on trash mountain. Many people died. How? The people lived on trash mountain, surviving off of the waste they found each day. Their houses made from/in the rubbish collapsed on top of them, burying them alive. Now, what was it you hate about your home? What was it you are discontent with?

The house at the end of the road looks to be made of mud and tin. Huge improvements have been made to the restaurant/bar beside it since my last visit. The walls and roof are no longer made of sticks and tarp. The walls look to be made from mud or paper-maché, or both. The roof is now a mixture of tin and tarp. And we complain about having a small house, or having to share a room with a sibling, or not enough lighting to do our makeup and hair… How shameful! The last trip, I visited a mud house with two rooms; a kitchen and a bedroom. The bathroom was out back. Three people; one mother, two daughters. One light bulb, two windows, one double bed. Now, tell me again, what was it you were complaining about?

Yes, Ethiopia is a strange, filthy, poor, and even sad, place. And I hesitate to tell you some of these things, but this is the real Ethiopia! Yet, I still love it! But, why? The Lord has done so much for me here. Not only because of the place but the things the Lord worked in me while I was here. The things He taught and showed me here. I left a huge chunk of myself here last time. I felt like I had shed my skin and started anew once I went home. I feel like a new person. Maybe I am. I sure hope so! I know a lot has changed in me since two years ago. Oh goodness, “bazoo” (many) things!

The place has also changed me. For maybe the first time, I saw people as an ocean of lost souls in need of a Savior, instead of simply a crowd of people. Sure, I have known this all my life, but living in the south where “everyone” knows Jesus and is a “Christian”, it is hard to see them as lost when many of them know the truth but simply don’t yield to it. These people? They live in confusion like I’ve never seen before. They have the gospel laid in front of them, but it is twisted in such a way that makes it difficult to untangle and explain even that simple truth and the gift of God. My heart aches for them. The people showed me what lost truly is. Yes, I was just as lost as they before accepting the salvation of the Lord; but I had the truth handed to me on a silver platter from the time of my birth!

Though I learned many lessons on my last trip, there is still much my Father continues to show me this time around! I’ve come to think of Addis Ababa as my restart button. Last time I stayed, I desperately needed to get away, think, pray, and go back home with a clean slate! The Lord graciously worked it out! This time, I feel as if I am here to remember what is truly important. To prepare for whatever the Lord has next for me, whatever that may be. I am remembering what the Lord did for me back two years ago, and also, how He continues to bless me! My Father is reminding me of His proper place in my life! No matter how high I set Him in my heart and life, if He is not my first priority, I am failing as a Christian. Failing as His child. In all honestly, I have been struggling in this area as of late. Not that He hasn’t been important in my life or even in my heart, it is not that at all! However, many things have been going on in my life these past few months, and I have caught myself distracted from my true purpose on various occasions. Please tell me I am not the only Christian with this weakness!

Having all of this in mind, I also wonder how God could even let me be involved in any purpose He has! Why ask anything of me? I am weak! I am insignificant! I am not important, talented, or useful!  “I know. But I Am. My strength will be shown through your weakness. You will be made useful by My talented hands. You will be made important because I am important and I will make you significant by association.”, my Father gently says to me. How great is our God? Too great to be described in words! He is all good! O how I love Him! My Savior, my Friend!

So, what is our purpose? There are lost people even in America, but I had become blind to it. Numb to the calling of God. Maybe you have too. Not called, you say? God placed us where we are for a purpose. Do you truly think that purpose is to grow up, get married, have kids, go to church, go to the store, go to work, and die of old age? Really??? That is not all there is to this life! I’m sorry, but I don’t believe God gets glory just from us not doing wrong. Yes, we can and should live, and not do wrong, but one thing the Lord has been showing me lately is this: Not doing wrong is good, but are you doing right? Living righteously does not consist of only what action we do not take, but also of what action we do take! The Lord gave me this revelation as I watched the Ethiopian people.

So why is Ethiopia special to me? Memories of a tedious growth in the Lord. The patience the Lord gave me through that time of uncertainty, seeking clarity and truth, trying to find where I stood, and hoping to finally set my feet on solid, steady ground. The guiding hand of God so near it was almost tangible for the first time in years! Though the change in my heart did not start in Ethiopia (it started months before), it helped me to solidify and steady myself in my commitments and in my beliefs! He worked on my heart, softening it towards people and towards Him. He placed my beliefs in front of me, and asked me “why?”, changing and strengthening them into what He would have them to be. Ethiopia did not change me. But it was definitely a huge tool the Lord used as He changed me and worked on my heart! That is why I love Ethiopia. My restart button. A mighty tool in the hand of my God. And as He continues to work on me, I am so thankful for a round two in Addis Ababa!

The Beauty in the Storm

    I felt led to write this post, not knowing where to start, or what to write or where it would all lead. Simply, start and hope for the best! Lol! So be prepared for some scattered thoughts, and please bear with me! It's been a while! Sorry about that, but life has been busy and when I have had time, I simply haven't been motivated to write publicly! Believe me, I have probably written enough to compile into a book (or two!), but none of which would have been a good blog post! Anyways,... on to the post at hand! Hope you enjoy it! :)

Photo Creds go to Jed

    We all go through struggles. Some seem to struggle more than others, but we all have our battles whether big or small, physical, or spiritual. I have had my own set of struggles through this life, but I can also say, the Lord has carried me through each and every one of them with grace! I know He will continue to guide me through the things I am struggling with today!

     Many people around me have been facing tremendous struggles, and the Lord has laid a burden on my heart for them! Whether your struggle is sickness, death, financial instability, a big move, or life change, or maybe even the absence a loved one overseas as a missionary or military, know this my friend: God is there! God is with you now in this trial you are facing!
 
    There are no words I can say that can adequately communicate or describe how big, great, and capable our Father is! He is awesome! I can't, I just cannot tell you how amazing my God is! The words simply do not exist! He is powerfully gracious! He is terribly wonderful! He is mightily peaceful! He is the great Physician and the God of war! He was poor but is now preparing a place for us among the mansions in Heaven. He was born in a stable, but now sits on the throne! He died, but He lives! He IS! My God, IS! Praise God, He IS the Great I AM! He is present. He "is", in the present tense, and He is present in the here and now! He presents Himself as a gift to all who believe. How can one describe such greatness? Such grace? Impossible! I am not worthy to even stand in His shadow, and yet He lives within my heart. My Lord wakes me up every morning to speak with me! To have a relationship with me! How can I, a nobody, a simple piece of dirty clay, describe a love so deep, so unchanging, so amazing, and so undeserved, when I have done nothing, absolutely nothing, to earn it? All I did was ask! He is so good!

    I know I started out by talking about struggles, and I got carried away. Something the Lord has been showing and teaching me this year though is this: we can't focus on the struggles. We must put our trust in Him, no matter what comes! Prepare for the storms by looking unto Him, and following Him, not by watching the storm clouds roll in! Worry is not a defense mechanism, it is paralyzing us from doing what needs to be done! Quote from the worrier! Haha! I've got to remind myself of that sometimes! It just isn't worth it to worry so much!
 
    I almost started to write a post titled "Vanity". I may still write the post, but what I wanted to talk about comes into play here as well! Isn't it funny, the things we think are so important nowadays? The things we find "worry worthy"? Sometimes I can understand, and see that, yeah, that's definitely a big deal! But is it really? When placed in the perspective of our Father, are our problems truly significant? A lot of the time, I would personally have to say, "No, they aren't!" Because they are earthy problems-Temporary problems! Even some "life-changing" decisions are temporary! Not to say they aren't important! I'm not stating that at all! Take time to make those decisions, but remember the true purpose of our existence, is not to get into that school, buy that car, or even marry that person! Our purpose is to serve our Creator! All else is vanity!

    Speaking of the perspective of the Father, if we have the mind of Christ as we should, we too can see trials as lessons, or a time of growth rather than just another bump in the road of life. We can learn to see the beauty in the storm. Beauty is not only found on the easy path! Sometimes the most beautiful sights are found at the end of a long, overgrown, and difficult path! It is easy to feel alone on the overgrown path, as it looks as if you are the only one to have ever tread upon it. These are tough, but you are never alone! Look to the Father who placed you there! He will carry you through it! But He can't do that until you draw nigh unto Him! God never places us in a time of difficulty without purpose! You may not understand, but you can try to make the best of the situation! Use this time to grow, to lean on His understanding, not your own. Use this time to acknowledge the mighty hand of the Creator in your life. Pray and let Christ walk you through it! What a beautiful thing! To have the Lord walk you through the long winding roads of life! Have you ever bonded with a friend over tough and trying times? You come out stronger, don't you? Your relationship with that person is deepened through hardship. Let that be the case with our Father!  

    One thing I have seen the Lord do time and time again is calm the storm! Not only in the Bible, but in the storms of life! If Jesus could calm the raging sea, what makes you think He is incapable of calming the storm in your heart or life? How do we have so little faith in a God that is so big? My Father has brought me to my knees in shame for my lack of the mind of Christ and lack of faith! It is a continual battle between the flesh and the Spirit, unfortunately. But victory is possible! With Christ, victory is achievable!

    I can go on and on about the beauty that can come from trials! We all hear cliche sayings such as "You have to endure the rain before you enjoy the rainbow", or "The sun still shines behind the stormclouds." but it is true! Have you ever just looked at creation, and let it preach to you? That may be a strange way of putting it, but it does preach! I am a weirdo (as we all know), in that, I find storms beautiful. I've always loved a good thunderstorm with lightning and lots of rain! However, when life started sending me some spiritual and a few physical storms, I didn't like it too much! I withdrew and became hard, instead of leaning on the Rock who could shield me from all of that! I am still learning, but my Father has taught me that both metaphorical and literal "storms" have a beauty about them! Where is the beauty in disaster, you ask? In God's mighty hand of comfort and victory! Sometimes, He chooses to simply comfort His children rather than take the storm away, but never doubt His presence! He is working! However, He may be working on you rather than the situation! Trust Him! It is a beautiful thing when the Potter places the clay on the wheel to design a vessel fit for His purpose! In the eyes of man, it may seem harsh and hurtful to be slammed onto the Potter's wheel, but we can't see the finished product! Let Him work! The work of the Master's hands is never without purpose! Beauty in a time of disaster is also found in the glory given to the Father through those trials! Glorify Him even in heartache! Even in times of loss and despair, He is still worthy of our praise and gratification! Remember, you don't know what He has planned!

    So, basically, the beauty in the storm, is God our Father! Don't focus on the storm! Look for the Beauty in the Storm! And glorify Him for it! Let us pray for one another as we go about our day. Let us carry one another's burdens to the Lord in prayer! Let's encourage each other! I hope I have encouraged at least one person through this post! Thank you for reading!


    Simply, 
          Sarah

P.s. I have many more busy days and months ahead of me! I will try my best to post on Friday whenever I can, but I may post randomly here and there! Thank you all for understanding! I hope everyone is having a terrific summer! :)

Careless Scribbles

I sit here with words and thoughts spinning around in my mind and yet, I seem to be unable to tie them down to a piece of paper. Too many thoughts. So I write carelessly,...

I apologize for the lateness of this post... life happens. The good, the bad, all of it, happens. That is life. A mixture of good and bad, sometimes tasting more bitter and other times tasting more sweet. Sometimes it's hard to determine exactly what you feel about how things are going.

Growing up is weird. Making adult decisions for yourself is weird! Lol! I'm not good at making swift decisions. I never have been! I like to take time to think about the situation in every aspect and from every view and with every possible outcome. So I don't make many rash decisions. This can be a good or even a bad trait of mine sometimes! I just have to learn to know when to use that and when to avoid giving into that habit. For example, standing in line ordering food, would be a good time to avoid that trait! Lol! At this point in my life though, I think it's a good trait to have. At least I try to utilize it to the best of my ability!

I was pretty sure at the age of fifteen that it was in God's will for me to go to college. So, I started making plans, not wanting this to be something I backed out of, or missed out on simply because I took too much time thinking about it! But God had other plans! He used various things and situations to hold me still. He used discouragement, He used anxiety, He used uncertainty, He used opportunities, and He even put people in my path to steer me in a totally different direction! I used to look back on that time in my life and feel saddened, or disappointment all over again, because I never went through with it. But I now realize why! The Lord needed me to see His plan! Not take the first thing off the list and run with it before I had been given all of the instructions! I know now I could not have handled college back then, at all! I was a very weak Christian. Not to say I'm now super spiritual and a wonderfully strong Christian, who has it all together! Ha! I am far from that! But I have found strength in the Lord! I have grown in my walk with Christ! I hope I don't sound prideful, or come across as having a "greater than thou" attitude. I am simply saying I am not where I used to be- by the grace of God!

Sorry I went down a bit of a rabbit trail there! Anyways, where was I? Oh yes! College. You see, the Lord never gave me peace about any of my ideas I sent His way. I never stopped to listen to what He wanted. Sure, I prayed, but I think for a while I forgot that a relationship with Christ is the same as it is with anyone else when it comes to the structure of it. A relationship is never a one way deal! It takes two people to have a relationship. I was talking to God, but not with Him. I hope I'm making sense! I was telling Him what I wanted and asking Him for favors. But wouldn't take time to hear His reply. Until finally, one day at camp the Lord me asked through a sermon to give Him my blueprints for my life. To give Him my plans and aspirations. Reluctant at first, I came to the conclusion that that was best! When I gave the Lord my plans and listened to His will, He closed some doors in my heart. He opened some more, but to show me that peace doesn't come from following your own will, but from accepting God's will as your own! The more I tried to pry doors open, the more the Lord gave me an uncertainty about it all. So, college went on the shelf, and church and church family became a priority in my life. Taking 2 years to be still has turned out to be one of the best decisions I could have ever made. I'm glad the Lord didn't give me peace about school back then. Now, I have applied for school, I am still waiting to see if I receive an acceptance letter! Which makes me feel a bit uneasy posting this! I may or may not get in, but I definitely have peace about applying, about the classes I've chosen, the school I've chosen. I feel as if the Lord placed it in my lap for some reason. I hope you will all pray for me, and with me, as I step out on faith to take this journey! 

Since this is a bunch of careless scribbles, I will be a bit random and state some more of my random thoughts for you! Something I have struggled with in the past was easily becoming bothered by rumors. If you said it to my face, it didn't so much, but behind my back, it would really bother me. But this year, I've learned to not really care anymore. No, no bullying or ugly things have been said. Just simple assumptions are made and spread as if they are fact. The oh so familiar situation of people placing their noses were they don't belong! "Grow up people!" I am tempted to go to them and say! But I've learned it's not worth it! Let them believe a bunch of lies, they obviously want to believe them or else they would've asked me themselves! So just a reminder to you all, don't believe everything you hear! Or even what you think you may have seen! Things can be twisted so easily when taken out of context. Don't fall into that trap. Take fact as fact. Don't assume. Simple as that. Thank you, I'll step off my soap box now! 

I'm going to backpedal a bit here. I was speaking with the Lord this morning as I was driving. Thinking and praying about how I had been feeling stagnant for a while and now I can look back and see the Lords hand on it all. :) As I drove slowly in the stillness of the morning, enjoying the beauty of spring, I passed by a still creek bed, noticing as the trees and colors from above were clearly reflected in the unmoving waters. As I took the time to listen, I heard that still small voice answer, "Beauty is not only found in the rushing, moving, waters, but in stillness." As I write this another thought comes to mind. While we pause in that still part of our life's journey, that is a time of growth. And the Lord can be clearly reflected through us during that time of stillness! Even a still dirty creek bed can look beautiful when it clearly reflects the Maker! That is our true calling, right? To bring glory to the Father in everything we do! To reflect His glory and goodness even through our dirty selves. Whether still or moving! What a blessing that God would use us, even as unrighteous as we are, to show forth His goodness! :) 

I know this was random, but I had an urge to write carelessly. So, I did! Lol! Hope you can find a blessing within my careless scribbles! As always, thanks for reading! Until next time! 

     Simply,

         Sarah


Clean Slate

My mom and sister have brought to my attention that I may have been making myself sound like I was a lot worse than I actually was. I promise this was not my intention! I intend to set some things straight today.

Looking back, in my eyes, I was a bad kid. But if we are measuring by this worlds standards, I was a great kid! I've never been involved in drinking, drugs, smoking, or sleeping around.

So what did I do that was so wrong?

I had a rebellious heart. The Bible says that rebellion is likened unto witchcraft. Witchcraft! That's some heavy stuff!

I was selfish in how I chose my friends, and spent my time. In Matthew 16:24 Jesus says, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”  I wasn't interested in denying myself at this time in my life! I thought I could have a few years of fun and then when I turned 24 or so then I would get serious about the things of GOD. But I didn't realize how much of a hold this world had on my heart. It is so much easier to step into the world than it is to step out! You try stepping into a pig pen and then step out! Though you may get out, I don't care how long or little time you were there, you will not be as clean as you were when you got in!

I didn't really care what my mom and dad thought. Hebrews 13:17 says, "Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you."  Most of my friends were becoming involved in some if not all of the things I just mentioned earlier, but I wasn't. So I deceived myself into thinking I was doing okay. I had placed bad influences all around me and I began to laugh at the dirty jokes and began to tell some of my own. I also began to envy their lifestyles. If not for my parents, and my pastor, I would have been right there with them in all of that mess. I know they had my best interests at heart! I did get involved in ungodly music and movies that only encouraged my lack of respect for authority. I began to desire the things of this world so much, that I would literally hide the music I had been listening to in my room away from my parents. Then I began to not even care what they thought about it and thought, "They'll just have to deal with it." This music made me long for freedom from authority and the people at church that made me feel any guilt at all. I thought about going to a concert with some friends and simply telling my parents we were going shopping. But my friend actually talked me into asking instead, which we both soon regretted because they said no. Now, I am happy that I asked and that was the answer!

 My underage friends and I were going to try to sneak some alcohol into our church camp, but we didn't because we were too lazy to figure out a way to buy it. Oh boy, I'm glad we didn't! To be honest, when it came to anything big, like breaking the law we were all just a bunch of "wanna bes"! Well, most of us were at first, anyway. The "small" sins such as music, and movies became well, small in comparison to what it lead to. By the age of 16 or 17, most of my friends were involved in drinking, smoking, and sleeping around. I didn't know what I believed was a good place to draw a moral line. That is so dangerous! Thank GOD HE never gave me the chance to get into that stuff! GOD gave me enough room to show me what my sinful nature is capable of, but HE didn't give me more than I could handle... Actually, I hate that saying... God does give us more than we can bear, in hopes that we will let HIM bear it for us! And that is what my GOD has done for me!

Remember at this time I was only 13-18 years old. But that is basically all of my teenage years! Wasted. The Bible tells us in James 4:17 "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." That is why I think back with so much regret! All of the knowledge and bible right at my fingertips, poured in one ear and out the other every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. Think of what I could have been doing for the LORD through those years! Think of all of the missed opportunities! The missed times of fellowship with my LORD. I can't get back that lost time, but thank GOD He can mend that broken fellowship! 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I know I will be judged for the things I have and haven't done, but I know I am forgiven through GOD's grace and that motivates me to do better for HIM! Because HE is good!

It all started with an unforgiving heart, to be honest. I became bitter because I was unforgiving and couldn't move on from the past! I made myself a victim! I still have to work on letting go of some grudges, but the LORD has been my strength and continues to work on my heart!

I would like to state that I am not telling you all this in hopes to glorify or justify my sin. I am telling you this to say, even though I didn't have the chance to go very far in the world, I still have regrets and it simply is not worth it. It's not! So please don’t think that a little fun won't hurt or that you will be able to get serious in a few years. It is not that easy! I was blessed to have parents that enforced going to church, and a pastor that helped lead me back to the LORD. Without that, only GOD knows where my rebellious heart would have lead me!

So guys, I’m actually quite nervous about publishing this blog post! But hey, I felt a need to honestly write to guys give you a bit of my testimony. I know I'm not perfect, but when my GOD looks at me, it is not me HE sees. It is HIS SON, CHRIST JESUS! Oh, the Anchor of my soul! My Rock. My Redeemer. My LORD. My KING! My Clean Slate. How I love HIM! Praise be to GOD for HIS all sufficient grace!

Thank you guys for reading! I can't believe how many people actually read my ramblings! If you have something in mind for me to rant about next, leave me a comment below!

Simply,

      Sarah