Ethiopia: Round Two

Journal Entry:

Day 7: October 6, 2017

I am often asked, “So, what’s it like in Ethiopia?” “Can you tell me about Ethiopia?” “Do you like it over there?”. Or I’m asked to describe it. Impossible. Well, almost. How do you explain a place you love so much, yet in a realistic light? Yes, I love Ethiopia. It is a great place?  Who’s asking? From what aspect? And what is your definition of great? Haha! I will attempt to tell you about Ethiopia in this post. The real Ethiopia. Here is my journal entry from day seven:

This is a strange place. Here it is the people that are confined within walls; not the animals. The walls are meant to keep people and things out, but it is still a bit foreign to me.

Right now, I am sitting outside watching those passing by. A young woman trails behind four donkeys carrying her load; probably water. It is not as easy as turning on a faucet for some people here. The little things we take for granted… When I arrived home last time and washed my hands, I let the water run a bit longer through my fingers as I stood in awe of how easy we have it in America. It is always available, on command. Never do we say “Wooha Yellum!” (Water gone) in America, but here, it is not so uncommon! “What a little thing,” we think! But ah! Tis’ no little blessing! 

A small child, maybe two years of age, wanders down the cobblestone street taking in his surroundings. A man, whom I assume to be this child’s father, calls out to me (“Americano!”) as he relieves himself across the street. He feels no shame. The last trip, I saw a man bathing in the sewer water on the side of the main highway. What is normal here, can cause one to turn away in shame and embarrassment.

Trash lines the streets, filling the air with a polluted aroma of soured food, soiled clothes and who knows what. The foul scent of trash mountain lingers over Addis Ababa, within every whiff you take. Over time, the smell seems to lessen, though it is only you becoming numb and used to it. Back in March of this year, there was a “landslide” on trash mountain. Many people died. How? The people lived on trash mountain, surviving off of the waste they found each day. Their houses made from/in the rubbish collapsed on top of them, burying them alive. Now, what was it you hate about your home? What was it you are discontent with?

The house at the end of the road looks to be made of mud and tin. Huge improvements have been made to the restaurant/bar beside it since my last visit. The walls and roof are no longer made of sticks and tarp. The walls look to be made from mud or paper-maché, or both. The roof is now a mixture of tin and tarp. And we complain about having a small house, or having to share a room with a sibling, or not enough lighting to do our makeup and hair… How shameful! The last trip, I visited a mud house with two rooms; a kitchen and a bedroom. The bathroom was out back. Three people; one mother, two daughters. One light bulb, two windows, one double bed. Now, tell me again, what was it you were complaining about?

Yes, Ethiopia is a strange, filthy, poor, and even sad, place. And I hesitate to tell you some of these things, but this is the real Ethiopia! Yet, I still love it! But, why? The Lord has done so much for me here. Not only because of the place but the things the Lord worked in me while I was here. The things He taught and showed me here. I left a huge chunk of myself here last time. I felt like I had shed my skin and started anew once I went home. I feel like a new person. Maybe I am. I sure hope so! I know a lot has changed in me since two years ago. Oh goodness, “bazoo” (many) things!

The place has also changed me. For maybe the first time, I saw people as an ocean of lost souls in need of a Savior, instead of simply a crowd of people. Sure, I have known this all my life, but living in the south where “everyone” knows Jesus and is a “Christian”, it is hard to see them as lost when many of them know the truth but simply don’t yield to it. These people? They live in confusion like I’ve never seen before. They have the gospel laid in front of them, but it is twisted in such a way that makes it difficult to untangle and explain even that simple truth and the gift of God. My heart aches for them. The people showed me what lost truly is. Yes, I was just as lost as they before accepting the salvation of the Lord; but I had the truth handed to me on a silver platter from the time of my birth!

Though I learned many lessons on my last trip, there is still much my Father continues to show me this time around! I’ve come to think of Addis Ababa as my restart button. Last time I stayed, I desperately needed to get away, think, pray, and go back home with a clean slate! The Lord graciously worked it out! This time, I feel as if I am here to remember what is truly important. To prepare for whatever the Lord has next for me, whatever that may be. I am remembering what the Lord did for me back two years ago, and also, how He continues to bless me! My Father is reminding me of His proper place in my life! No matter how high I set Him in my heart and life, if He is not my first priority, I am failing as a Christian. Failing as His child. In all honestly, I have been struggling in this area as of late. Not that He hasn’t been important in my life or even in my heart, it is not that at all! However, many things have been going on in my life these past few months, and I have caught myself distracted from my true purpose on various occasions. Please tell me I am not the only Christian with this weakness!

Having all of this in mind, I also wonder how God could even let me be involved in any purpose He has! Why ask anything of me? I am weak! I am insignificant! I am not important, talented, or useful!  “I know. But I Am. My strength will be shown through your weakness. You will be made useful by My talented hands. You will be made important because I am important and I will make you significant by association.”, my Father gently says to me. How great is our God? Too great to be described in words! He is all good! O how I love Him! My Savior, my Friend!

So, what is our purpose? There are lost people even in America, but I had become blind to it. Numb to the calling of God. Maybe you have too. Not called, you say? God placed us where we are for a purpose. Do you truly think that purpose is to grow up, get married, have kids, go to church, go to the store, go to work, and die of old age? Really??? That is not all there is to this life! I’m sorry, but I don’t believe God gets glory just from us not doing wrong. Yes, we can and should live, and not do wrong, but one thing the Lord has been showing me lately is this: Not doing wrong is good, but are you doing right? Living righteously does not consist of only what action we do not take, but also of what action we do take! The Lord gave me this revelation as I watched the Ethiopian people.

So why is Ethiopia special to me? Memories of a tedious growth in the Lord. The patience the Lord gave me through that time of uncertainty, seeking clarity and truth, trying to find where I stood, and hoping to finally set my feet on solid, steady ground. The guiding hand of God so near it was almost tangible for the first time in years! Though the change in my heart did not start in Ethiopia (it started months before), it helped me to solidify and steady myself in my commitments and in my beliefs! He worked on my heart, softening it towards people and towards Him. He placed my beliefs in front of me, and asked me “why?”, changing and strengthening them into what He would have them to be. Ethiopia did not change me. But it was definitely a huge tool the Lord used as He changed me and worked on my heart! That is why I love Ethiopia. My restart button. A mighty tool in the hand of my God. And as He continues to work on me, I am so thankful for a round two in Addis Ababa!

Careless Scribbles

I sit here with words and thoughts spinning around in my mind and yet, I seem to be unable to tie them down to a piece of paper. Too many thoughts. So I write carelessly,...

I apologize for the lateness of this post... life happens. The good, the bad, all of it, happens. That is life. A mixture of good and bad, sometimes tasting more bitter and other times tasting more sweet. Sometimes it's hard to determine exactly what you feel about how things are going.

Growing up is weird. Making adult decisions for yourself is weird! Lol! I'm not good at making swift decisions. I never have been! I like to take time to think about the situation in every aspect and from every view and with every possible outcome. So I don't make many rash decisions. This can be a good or even a bad trait of mine sometimes! I just have to learn to know when to use that and when to avoid giving into that habit. For example, standing in line ordering food, would be a good time to avoid that trait! Lol! At this point in my life though, I think it's a good trait to have. At least I try to utilize it to the best of my ability!

I was pretty sure at the age of fifteen that it was in God's will for me to go to college. So, I started making plans, not wanting this to be something I backed out of, or missed out on simply because I took too much time thinking about it! But God had other plans! He used various things and situations to hold me still. He used discouragement, He used anxiety, He used uncertainty, He used opportunities, and He even put people in my path to steer me in a totally different direction! I used to look back on that time in my life and feel saddened, or disappointment all over again, because I never went through with it. But I now realize why! The Lord needed me to see His plan! Not take the first thing off the list and run with it before I had been given all of the instructions! I know now I could not have handled college back then, at all! I was a very weak Christian. Not to say I'm now super spiritual and a wonderfully strong Christian, who has it all together! Ha! I am far from that! But I have found strength in the Lord! I have grown in my walk with Christ! I hope I don't sound prideful, or come across as having a "greater than thou" attitude. I am simply saying I am not where I used to be- by the grace of God!

Sorry I went down a bit of a rabbit trail there! Anyways, where was I? Oh yes! College. You see, the Lord never gave me peace about any of my ideas I sent His way. I never stopped to listen to what He wanted. Sure, I prayed, but I think for a while I forgot that a relationship with Christ is the same as it is with anyone else when it comes to the structure of it. A relationship is never a one way deal! It takes two people to have a relationship. I was talking to God, but not with Him. I hope I'm making sense! I was telling Him what I wanted and asking Him for favors. But wouldn't take time to hear His reply. Until finally, one day at camp the Lord me asked through a sermon to give Him my blueprints for my life. To give Him my plans and aspirations. Reluctant at first, I came to the conclusion that that was best! When I gave the Lord my plans and listened to His will, He closed some doors in my heart. He opened some more, but to show me that peace doesn't come from following your own will, but from accepting God's will as your own! The more I tried to pry doors open, the more the Lord gave me an uncertainty about it all. So, college went on the shelf, and church and church family became a priority in my life. Taking 2 years to be still has turned out to be one of the best decisions I could have ever made. I'm glad the Lord didn't give me peace about school back then. Now, I have applied for school, I am still waiting to see if I receive an acceptance letter! Which makes me feel a bit uneasy posting this! I may or may not get in, but I definitely have peace about applying, about the classes I've chosen, the school I've chosen. I feel as if the Lord placed it in my lap for some reason. I hope you will all pray for me, and with me, as I step out on faith to take this journey! 

Since this is a bunch of careless scribbles, I will be a bit random and state some more of my random thoughts for you! Something I have struggled with in the past was easily becoming bothered by rumors. If you said it to my face, it didn't so much, but behind my back, it would really bother me. But this year, I've learned to not really care anymore. No, no bullying or ugly things have been said. Just simple assumptions are made and spread as if they are fact. The oh so familiar situation of people placing their noses were they don't belong! "Grow up people!" I am tempted to go to them and say! But I've learned it's not worth it! Let them believe a bunch of lies, they obviously want to believe them or else they would've asked me themselves! So just a reminder to you all, don't believe everything you hear! Or even what you think you may have seen! Things can be twisted so easily when taken out of context. Don't fall into that trap. Take fact as fact. Don't assume. Simple as that. Thank you, I'll step off my soap box now! 

I'm going to backpedal a bit here. I was speaking with the Lord this morning as I was driving. Thinking and praying about how I had been feeling stagnant for a while and now I can look back and see the Lords hand on it all. :) As I drove slowly in the stillness of the morning, enjoying the beauty of spring, I passed by a still creek bed, noticing as the trees and colors from above were clearly reflected in the unmoving waters. As I took the time to listen, I heard that still small voice answer, "Beauty is not only found in the rushing, moving, waters, but in stillness." As I write this another thought comes to mind. While we pause in that still part of our life's journey, that is a time of growth. And the Lord can be clearly reflected through us during that time of stillness! Even a still dirty creek bed can look beautiful when it clearly reflects the Maker! That is our true calling, right? To bring glory to the Father in everything we do! To reflect His glory and goodness even through our dirty selves. Whether still or moving! What a blessing that God would use us, even as unrighteous as we are, to show forth His goodness! :) 

I know this was random, but I had an urge to write carelessly. So, I did! Lol! Hope you can find a blessing within my careless scribbles! As always, thanks for reading! Until next time! 

     Simply,

         Sarah


Selamina

08.02.15

    Last time I wrote I forgot to mention that Messy made us Habisha (Ethiopian) food for lunch that day! It was really good! I also ate hot sauce with mine, [and] Messy was having a hard time with it! [lol] Yes it was hot! But it was good!

    On to today! This morning I woke from a very eerie dream with a very eerie feeling at about 4:15. It felt as if every hair on my neck & arms were standing straight up! And I [heard] some moaning coming from one of the churches. It felt different somehow and I started to pray away [the] dark feeling that had come over me. Once I had peace, I fell back to sleep. But I found that was really odd! Krystal said it may have been the Muslims instead of the Orthodox. That may have been it, but whatever it was, I never want to feel its presence again!

    We went shopping after this morning service and Krystal found Jelly! Yay! There are some things that if you happen to find them it makes your day! Peanut butter being one of those top precious items! LOL! We also got some freshly made donuts from the bakery! So good! There aren't like the donuts in the US, but they're good! 

    After lunch and supper we had the evening service then sent the boys to bed. All of which were [already] asleep with the exception of Joshua.

    Heith and I had a really good long talk after everyone else went to bed. We talked about a lot of random things, then it slowly got into some more serious stuff. We started talking about Bible stuff and commitments and other things. I think I needed that. He gave me two verses to help me with out with something I've been dealing with in my mind for quite a while. I'm really hoping that I can stick to my commitments. No. I'm going to! I'm desperately trying to grasp onto that very same thing Heith did when he was younger. Determination to do right no matter what. I want that! For the first time in a long time I truly want that! I am reaching for it! I want the faith and dedication of Darlene Deibler Rose (I'm reading her book for the first time)! I want to learn the Bible. I've become thirsty for it. I look forward to devotions and reading my Bible every morning. It's not a chore anymore and I don't, I desperately don't, want that to ever ever change! Oh God, give me the strength and the wisdom to do what's right whether everyone else is or not! Whether it is hard or easy!  

    Even in Africa I face the challenge of music! It's everywhere I go. It's in my head. But I'm learning to be annoyed by it. I know I can't get it out of my head, but I'm trusting the Lord to cleanse my heart of it! It is very tiresome carrying all of that around everywhere I go, but I found a Resting Place. In my Savior, my Lord, the Worthy Lamb of God! I'm learning to trust Him a little more each day.

~Sarah

P.s. Selamina = I have peace.

I realize that some of this post may be a bit weird, but the spiritual battles shouldn't be overlooked simply because they make is uncomfortable. This is real. The battle is real! Taking this trip made me realize just how real! Not only are we in a battle to lead lost souls to Christ, but we do have a spiritual enemy! Thank God we also have a spiritual Ally! He will win the war! But please stay strong for each battle my friends! 

I truly enjoyed looking back at this entry, thinking of how far I had to come to come to this place of peace! Wow! The Lord has blessed me! What sweet peace my Father gives! :) Can you say truthfully in your heart that you have peace? I hope so! 

      Simply,

           Sarah

We Moved!

07.29.15

    We are moved into the new house! We moved in on the 27th, Monday. Everything is going good with the neighbors and everything. but we have had a few plumbing problems! The sink has been leaking and we just found that once I drained the kitchen sink, water started pouring from under the wall in the hall! So Heith is calling landlord, and we are hoping she will have it fixed! I met Daniel Monday, saw him again yesterday, and will possible see him again today! He has been helping Heith with lightbulbs and the washer and the sink. Various things around the house. He seems pretty nice but I haven't spent much time with him though. So I don't know yet!

    We cleaned the new house for a whole day and half! It was so dusty! And paint splatters were a nightmare to get off the floors! But we did get it done! Hallelujah!!! I don't think anyone had fingernails after that! Some raw fingers maybe! lol! In the main rooms at least! So, yes, there was more!

    We may be going back to the old house today to clean and make sure we left nothing behind. The day we moved in the new house, our new neighbor brought us lasagna and green beans for supper! It was very good!

    Messy will be working here at the new house too, so she is trying to get used to coming here instead! lol! She keeps getting lost on the way her though it's not far from the old house! For her sake I hope she adapts easily and soon ! :) In the new house I have my own room with my own bathroom! I had my own room in the old house, but we all shared one bathroom (not counting the outside bathroom) [Just a half bath,] but it is still nice!

    We had hamburgers and fried potatoes from the suke down the road and some mac-n-cheese. It was all pretty good. Heith  got the boys bed built today so they wouldn't have to sleep on the floor anymore. Heith and Krystal and I all watched some Leave it to Beaver tonight. Well Heith joined us for the first episode so he could have some of Krystal's Peanut butter M&M's! lol!

    Oh yeah, the plumber came today and let's just say my hopes are not high! He came in telling us what was wrong before we even told him what had been happening! Heith thinks he knows what it is, but the plumber is thinking something completely different. So, I don't know! But I hope they figure it out and get it fixed so we can wash dishes in the sink again! We've been washing dishes in a small blue tub and dumping it out back  when we finish.

    Well, it's kinda late and I'm very tired! I sorry my writing has been scattered, but I've just been writing as I think of it!

        

        ~Sarah :P

P.S. I cannot believe I didn't mention this before, so I'll tell you now! Heith and Krystal had been praying for some good neighbors or friends for the boys. When we went to look at the new house for the first time, we heard a little boy saying hello in English. We looked over and there were white people next door! English speaking white people! We all introduced ourselves and found out not only did they live next door, they were from Indiana! What's more, is they had five kids! three girls and two boys. The four oldest were all about the same ages as the Fussner boys! If you have never been on a foreign field you will probably never understand the depth of how great a blessing this was! The Lord had given not only Krystal and Heith friends, but each of the boys! Our God is awesome! :)

   
         Simply,

               Sarah

Blessings

Where do I begin? At this moment a chorus simply just popped into my head. It says:

♪♫♪

My God is so great,

So strong and so mighty

there's nothing my God cannot do

My God is so great,

so strong and so mighty,

there's nothing my God cannot do.

The mountains are his,

the rivers are his,

the stars are His handiwork, too.
My God is so great,

so strong and so mighty,

there's nothing my God cannot do, for you!

♪♫♪

I know this is seen as a children's song, but it rings true even as 20 year old! My God hasn't changed!

 I can't help but think how gracious and good my God is when He shows me each and everyday how He cares for me! Yes, my God is strong and mighty, but He is also loving, kind, and giving. He gives me what I need, and sometimes if it pleases Him, He throws in what I want just because He can! I have so much to be thankful for and I would like to expound on that this morning!

My heart is full this morning. Full of gladness and thankfulness.

♪♫

I have been blessed!

God's so good to me!

Blessed are His thoughts of you and me.

No way I could count them there's not enough time,

so I'll just thank Him for being so kind.

God has been good, so good.

I have been blessed!

 ♪♫

I am thankful God has given me a song a bunch of good godly songs! I don't struggle in my mind as much as I used to with music. Yes, every now and then some old song will bring me back, having me remember my time in bitterness and self pity, my time of selfishness, but (thank God there's a "but"!) He brought me out of all of that! I can think on that worldly music in sorrow for lost time, or I can praise God for deliverance from myself and my sin! Praise His dear lovely name! 

Thank the LORD for family! Though we don't always see eye to eye or understand one another, we love each other and that is priceless! I could not have picked a better family for myself! My family is amazing! Yes, we are human. We make mistakes, we get under each other's skin! We yell and have "discussions", but we care for each other and I know if I needed them they would be right there! They are anyway! lol! In all seriousness, we have been through a lot together. We have laughed together, cried together, been angry together, and plain silly together! We are all a part of each other. I honestly don't know what I would do without them, and I hate that saying! lol! But I truly mean it! They have always been right there real close (sometimes too close!) Yet I find my family to be one of the biggest blessings ever given to me!  

Speaking of family I am also very blessed to have the church family that I have! The LORD reminds of that quite a bit these days! Yesterday for example, the fourth of July. A family from church hosted a party and being the introvert that I am, I must say I was quite intimidated when pulling up to a packed house! The time flew so by so quickly I didn't want to leave, even after being there for 4-5 hours! The games were fun! It was nice to fellowship outside of church and simply sit back and enjoy good company. The fireworks were cut short because of the rain, but they were beautiful and we thoroughly enjoyed them! My highlight of the entire evening though, was the singing! Oh the sweet joy that comes from praising the LORD with friends! especially when it is voluntary! We sang old hymns accompanied by two guitars. Lifted our voices to God until there wasn't much voice left to give. It wasn't perfect, but it was still and beautiful sight and sound. I know our Father savored that sweet moment of praise!

I also am thankful for our independence! If I only knew how hard it would be to serve the LORD without that, I believe I would be even more thankful! Many people may believe we are losing that independence to serve the LORD publicly, and they may be right, but don't be discouraged by that! Be encouraged and motivated to work harder and faster for our LORD! I know I could do better! I am thankful that we can freely come together to worship the King of kings and praise and share all that He has done with others!

His voice still speaks to me! My heart stops as I hear that still small voice gently calling me. As His hand steadily works on my heart, changing my desires and my plans I notice that I hear Him all the more, peacefully comforting me, and guiding me on to what He would have me do next.

A bit of a story for you: Sunday night, during the invitation, I was praying. My pastor asked us to ask the Lord what allies we had in our lives. To ask what and if something was hindering us in our walk Him. So I did. I asked the LORD,

"Is there anything I need to give to You God?"

I had already given Him my music, my movies, my heart, my plans, what else was there? Was my thought.

"God is there something that is too important to me that I need to give to You?

"Your time." 

"My time?" 

"I want your time Sarah. It is too important to you. Give Me your time. That is all I ask." 

At this I felt crushed, shocked even! God has to ask me for my time? That is backwards and wrong! I should be begging God to spend time with me! Not the other way around! I have been spending my time on vain things, and so much so the Lord has to ask me to spend some time with Him. I know I'm being a bit repetitive but that shocked me! I can't explain it. I am just amazed that God cares so much for me, He will even come down and whisper to my heart a simple "Come." But oh how sweet when He does!

I have been struggling with some things and the LORD also keeps reminding me, "I'm right here. You can talk to Me. I'll listen." I was thinking on some of these things last night as we were singing and my mind started to wander, then I shook loose of those thoughts to get back into the singing, then we started singing "What a Friend we have in Jesus". I prayed in my heart, "oh my God I know. I 'm sorry I worry so. It's yours." I didn't think much else about it until God decided to remind me later that night as I was pondering on some of those questions again. We were outside getting ready to watch the fireworks and the Lord stuck that tune in a man's head as he stood beside me waiting, he whistled that song. Now I don't know about you guys, but I do not believe in coincidences. That gentleman could have thought of any song we sang earlier, we sang quite a handful! But I believe my Father placed that song in his heart, to speak to me and remind me, 

   

♪♫♪

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.

♪♫♪

He is so giving and I don't know why it always amazes me but it does! He blesses me with things I don't deserve. I don't deserve anything from Him, He owes me absolutely nothing, and yet He continues to shower me with blessings and I am so thankful! I am thankful God continues to bless me not only in the small things but the big things as well! He takes care of my every need! His timing is perfect as well! He gives and gives and gives, and what do I do? I say thank you and move on as we all do. Yes, I'm thankful for all He has done and continues to do for me, but are the words "thank you" ever truly enough? I don't think so. Not for my God, not for my King! He deserves something in return! If that be my music, take it oh LORD, take it! If that be my TV, You can have it, Oh my God! If that be my plans, they are Yours Father! If it be my heart, mold it as you may, my great Physician! If it be my time? Well, time is a big thing to ask for! But. Who gave me this time? Who knows how much time I actually have? My Creator, my God. Is my God not worthy? I am not. That I know! So take it dear Lord God! Take it and splurge on Yourself! It's Yours to spend! I know this is easier said than done, but making this commitment does not mean I will be in my prayer closet and reading my bible nonstop. God has other ways He wants to use our time too! How about witnessing? Encouraging a fellow brother or sister in Christ? Faithfulness to church? Being a blessing in even small ways, can make a big impact on others. Bragging on God and his blessings can maybe (hopefully) encourage others to keep up the fight. That is what I hope this post will do for my readers: Encourage, and remind you God has been too good to us to not give Him our all! Believe me, I am speaking to myself here! Big time! ( No pun intended☺) I hope you are encouraged and motivated to give the Lord your all, to do as He asks even if you don't understand!  

I feel as if there is so much more I could say, so many more blessings to count, but there truly isn't enough time to name them all! I encourage you to count your blessings as well, even if only a handful. Last night at the party, I saw a sign hanging on the wall as we were singing that read: "There is always, always, always, something to be thankful for." That is true! Even when times are tough! Be thankful! Thank you LORD for everything!

Thank you for reading! Until next week! :) 

Simply,

       Sarah

Clean Slate

My mom and sister have brought to my attention that I may have been making myself sound like I was a lot worse than I actually was. I promise this was not my intention! I intend to set some things straight today.

Looking back, in my eyes, I was a bad kid. But if we are measuring by this worlds standards, I was a great kid! I've never been involved in drinking, drugs, smoking, or sleeping around.

So what did I do that was so wrong?

I had a rebellious heart. The Bible says that rebellion is likened unto witchcraft. Witchcraft! That's some heavy stuff!

I was selfish in how I chose my friends, and spent my time. In Matthew 16:24 Jesus says, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”  I wasn't interested in denying myself at this time in my life! I thought I could have a few years of fun and then when I turned 24 or so then I would get serious about the things of GOD. But I didn't realize how much of a hold this world had on my heart. It is so much easier to step into the world than it is to step out! You try stepping into a pig pen and then step out! Though you may get out, I don't care how long or little time you were there, you will not be as clean as you were when you got in!

I didn't really care what my mom and dad thought. Hebrews 13:17 says, "Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you."  Most of my friends were becoming involved in some if not all of the things I just mentioned earlier, but I wasn't. So I deceived myself into thinking I was doing okay. I had placed bad influences all around me and I began to laugh at the dirty jokes and began to tell some of my own. I also began to envy their lifestyles. If not for my parents, and my pastor, I would have been right there with them in all of that mess. I know they had my best interests at heart! I did get involved in ungodly music and movies that only encouraged my lack of respect for authority. I began to desire the things of this world so much, that I would literally hide the music I had been listening to in my room away from my parents. Then I began to not even care what they thought about it and thought, "They'll just have to deal with it." This music made me long for freedom from authority and the people at church that made me feel any guilt at all. I thought about going to a concert with some friends and simply telling my parents we were going shopping. But my friend actually talked me into asking instead, which we both soon regretted because they said no. Now, I am happy that I asked and that was the answer!

 My underage friends and I were going to try to sneak some alcohol into our church camp, but we didn't because we were too lazy to figure out a way to buy it. Oh boy, I'm glad we didn't! To be honest, when it came to anything big, like breaking the law we were all just a bunch of "wanna bes"! Well, most of us were at first, anyway. The "small" sins such as music, and movies became well, small in comparison to what it lead to. By the age of 16 or 17, most of my friends were involved in drinking, smoking, and sleeping around. I didn't know what I believed was a good place to draw a moral line. That is so dangerous! Thank GOD HE never gave me the chance to get into that stuff! GOD gave me enough room to show me what my sinful nature is capable of, but HE didn't give me more than I could handle... Actually, I hate that saying... God does give us more than we can bear, in hopes that we will let HIM bear it for us! And that is what my GOD has done for me!

Remember at this time I was only 13-18 years old. But that is basically all of my teenage years! Wasted. The Bible tells us in James 4:17 "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." That is why I think back with so much regret! All of the knowledge and bible right at my fingertips, poured in one ear and out the other every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. Think of what I could have been doing for the LORD through those years! Think of all of the missed opportunities! The missed times of fellowship with my LORD. I can't get back that lost time, but thank GOD He can mend that broken fellowship! 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I know I will be judged for the things I have and haven't done, but I know I am forgiven through GOD's grace and that motivates me to do better for HIM! Because HE is good!

It all started with an unforgiving heart, to be honest. I became bitter because I was unforgiving and couldn't move on from the past! I made myself a victim! I still have to work on letting go of some grudges, but the LORD has been my strength and continues to work on my heart!

I would like to state that I am not telling you all this in hopes to glorify or justify my sin. I am telling you this to say, even though I didn't have the chance to go very far in the world, I still have regrets and it simply is not worth it. It's not! So please don’t think that a little fun won't hurt or that you will be able to get serious in a few years. It is not that easy! I was blessed to have parents that enforced going to church, and a pastor that helped lead me back to the LORD. Without that, only GOD knows where my rebellious heart would have lead me!

So guys, I’m actually quite nervous about publishing this blog post! But hey, I felt a need to honestly write to guys give you a bit of my testimony. I know I'm not perfect, but when my GOD looks at me, it is not me HE sees. It is HIS SON, CHRIST JESUS! Oh, the Anchor of my soul! My Rock. My Redeemer. My LORD. My KING! My Clean Slate. How I love HIM! Praise be to GOD for HIS all sufficient grace!

Thank you guys for reading! I can't believe how many people actually read my ramblings! If you have something in mind for me to rant about next, leave me a comment below!

Simply,

      Sarah